There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
another moral hangover. fuck.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
