Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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