Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
