So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
