Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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