SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
