And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
