It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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