Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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