We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
