When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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