My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
