she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
