You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
