hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
