Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
