I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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