My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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