I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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