We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
