remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
