apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
