How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
