I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
