I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
