Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
