well you can't waste a boner
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
