At least make sure they are 18
Why
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
