I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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