Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
