Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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