NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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