my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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