Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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