Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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