What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
