This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
