biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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