My liver just broke up with me...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
