As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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