If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
