Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
