i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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