I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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