im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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