i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
