I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
