ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
More tranny stories later!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
