There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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