So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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