is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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