He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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