Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
