It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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