We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
