You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
