i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
