God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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